Friday, July 29, 2005

I am Cantaloupe

I get so tired of hearing "Mommy" six zillion times a day. I have told my daughter that I don't answer to Mommy anymore, that I only answer to Cantaloupe. My reasoning is that she's only two--she can't SAY Cantaloupe yet. No, I'm not going to win Mother of the Year anytime soon.

Don't get me wrong--I adore Bellamy. She's the most amazing little person I've ever known, and I have a hard time believing that she's half me. But this parent stuff is hard. It took me like two weeks to get used to the fact that she even existed (I threw up the first time I ever saw her, but I attribute that to the fact that she was two months premature and in the NICU with lots of wires and stuff hooked up to her, and I had just had a c-section and was still kinda doped up.) Now I can't imagine life without her. I can barely remember life before her.

Sometimes I miss things from life before Bellamy. I miss being able to go to movies, bars, restaurants without having to plan ahead. I miss spending time alone with my husband. I miss driving a car without Cheerios tucking into all of the crevices. I miss "me" time. I don't miss being drunk about 75% of the time. I don't miss dating my husband while he cheated on his long-distance girlfriend. I don't miss having my riding crop confiscated by the police (because who can be a dominatrix without a riding crop??). Those days are all over, the good and the bad.

In the past two years, I've forgotten how to mix a decent margarita, but I've learned a lot about Baby Einstein and Blue's Clues. I worked my way back into my skinny jeans (before I got pregnant for the second time) but they now have permanent baby food stains on them. I can't remember what it's like to have painted fingernails of my own, but I do a fine job of painting my daughter's tiny nails when she plays dress up. Life has changed. It's for the better, I think.
I'm going to be Cantaloupe for a long time. But that's okay.