Wednesday, September 11, 2013

God Bless America

When I was a little girl, my Dad always emphasized to me that we Americans were a very lucky group of people, to live in the United States.  Dad was really into the whole idea of American, freedom and equality, pride of country and whatnot.  At this point in my life, living in a community that is filled with our nation's military families, I find that this patriotism runs deep in so many individuals, which only adds to the strength and awesomeness of our United States.  On the anniversary of September 11, it warms my heart to see American pride on display even more so than usual.  Because of this and in my own, personal way of saying "Fuck You, Assholes" to the monsters who terrorized our country twelve years ago today, I am making a list of SOME OF THE MORE UNUSUAL THINGS I HAVE EXPERIENCED JUST TODAY THAT MAKE ME PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN AND MAKE ME WISH EVEN MORE SO THAN USUAL THAT MY DAD WAS STILL HERE SO THAT HE, TOO, COULD REMIND ME DAILY OF WHAT A FABULOUS NATION WE LIVE IN.

1.  While running an errand in Portsmouth (no, I don't go there often, as I value my life and my hubcaps) I saw a blond woman riding a big, blue bicycle.  On the back of said bicycle, was a large, silver basket.  Inside said basket WAS A MIDGET.  Now, before the midgets of the world get all pissy with me for calling them "midgets," let me just say that yes, I understand your desire to be called "little people."  I am all for that.  BUT IN PORTSMOUTH, I'M PRETTY SURE YOU ARE CALLED MIDGETS.  To make matters even MORE interesting, it was a WHITE midget being toted about by a WHITE cyclist (obviously both a minority in P-town-- FREEDOM AND EQUALITY, YO).  All of these things together?  Straight up mindfuck.  And as far as I know, none of this was illegal because WE LIVE IN AMERICA, PEOPLE.

A little while later I also saw....

2.  A man in the grocery store, wearing a fanny pack.  Tucked carefully inside this fanny pack was a rolled-down brown paper bag with a tomato plant PLANTED in it.  Like, with soil and everything.  Yes, you read that correctly:  a man in a fanny pack that had a tomato plant growing out of it.  As a blogger, an observer, and a purveyor of freakishness myself, I STILL don't even know what the fuck to think about that.  (Side note:  In case you are wondering, he appeared to be shopping for lighting fixtures. How many countries do you think allow home improvement shopping while sporting fashionable vegetation?  NOT FUCKING MANY.)  Once again, FREEDOM.

And on my way out of the store I saw.....

3.  A child-molester van (you know, white, big, kinda rusty, no windows).  Painted on the side in crooked stenciling (you have to stop and wonder, WHO WOULD STENCIL CROOKEDLY?  I mean, if you are going to all the trouble to use a damn stencil, MAKE THAT FUCKER STRAIGHT) were the words "GOD IS ALL THAT MATERS."  (Oh, yeah, and while you're straightening out your damn stencil, LEARN HOW TO FUCKING SPELL. JESUS HOLY CHRIST.)  The point of this rant?  Religious freedom, ese.  We Americans have got it.

And this blog?  I can say whatever the hell I want.  I am not persecuted for it (though I am likely judged harshly and prayed for about it, at the very least by my Mom--thanks, Mom), or censored regarding it.  If I wanted to, I could wander through the streets, reading it out loud after I posted it (or, ride a bike through Portsmouth while carrying a midget who was wearing a fanny pack that was growing a tomato plant while we were all followed by some genius driving a van who knows that God is all that "maters.").  For this, I am a lucky girl.  We are a lucky people.  GOD BLESS AMERICA. 

To this my Dad would have said, "Damn skippy."

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