Thursday, August 15, 2013

Baby Daddy

Pretty much everyone knows I was married previous to my current marriage.  (I like to think of it as the time I CHOSE THE WRONG GUY, GAVE HIM THE WRONG FINGER.)  Luckily, when that train wreck went off the rails, we were able to make a clean break.  We had no kids together, and I took custody of the dogs because, well, they were my fucking dogs and I wouldn't have trusted him with them anyway.  It all worked out for the best, hip hip hooray, onward and upward.  Unfortunately, a lot of people don't have it that easy and have to go through the nasty business of sharing custody, alternating holidays, and living trapped within the state lines of their ex.  (This is the reason I have a basket of hand-me-downs that need to be shipped to Florida, and why I'll be spending this coming Sunday at a roller rink in Greenbrier, but I'll spare you all the details.)

I'm definitely grateful that Husband #1 and I produced no offspring, and even more grateful that I started making better choices before choosing Husband #2 (though, considering how our relationship unfolded, I probably should credit the Almighty Fate for that, rather than the maturity of my decision making).  However, I can't help but wonder how people who share children with an ex can do so as gracefully as many of them do.  I mean, Belly looks exactly like a girl version of B.  If he and I ever split (which we won't, because he adores me--rightfully so--and I'm pretty fond of him most of the time) I would be fucked.  There's no way I could look at or be around Belly and not think constantly of B.  And if B was an ex, thinking constantly about him is probably the last damn thing I would want to spend my time doing (unless I was plotting revenge against him for something dreadful he did to me-- I DO enjoy some good revenge-plotting).  Likewise, Sutt looks like MY side of the family (and, randomly, laughs just like my Grandpa did), which means that B would be in the same situation whenever HE had time with the kids.  (Actually, no, he probably wouldn't.  Guys don't seem to think on levels that deep.  It would most likely never even cross his mind.  But it would MINE, and that's all that matters here.)

I watch B's stepbrother and his wife seamlessly share custody of their daughter with her Dad (the two Dads even coached her t-ball team together) and B's half-sister and her fiance' share custody of their daughter with her Mom, and I think, "How in the HOLY HELL do they DO that?"  There doesn't seem to be much arguing or swearing, and there has certainly been no assault or kidnapping, all of which would be going down if I was trying to co-parent with an ex.  It makes me think that those little people must REALLY bring out the best in us, their parents and role models, after all.  Maybe being "Mom" or "Dad" or "StepGrandma" or "Half-Aunt" is as good as we get, regardless of how short-tempered or frustrated we may sometimes be with it.

It's something to think about, at least.


Derrick said...

I'm about to start walking down this road. I know I'm going to hate it. It wasn't a mutual break, but only because we couldn't see eye to eye on her banging other dudes. So, there's that. People who pull it together for the sake of their kids are amazing. I'm not sure how I'll pull it off. However, if I do, I'll surely pass on some of what I learn... just don't expect too much. :/

haleystarr said...

That SERIOUSLY sucks, Derrick. I'm sorry to hear that. On the bright side, if you want me to kick her ass for you, I will. I've been looking for a good fight.