Thursday, August 16, 2012

Hope Floats

I've been kinda busy lately.  Not too busy to write, but far too busy to blog.  However, dire circumstances have created the need for Starrtrippin' to BUST IN AND SAVE THE FUCKING DAY, (which basically means my little sis needs a blog to cheer her up, so HERE IT FUCKING IS.)  In dedication to Ro, Sadie Bug, and Little Lily.

Have you ever noticed that JUST when you think everything is going smoothly and all is going to be okay, SHIT GOES ALL TO HELL?

It does.  At least as best I can tell.

This summer is the perfect example of my theory.  I had no plans for this summer.  My usual trip to Tennessee wasn't even on the agenda, because my Mom had visited in June and my best buddy, MT, was getting married in October (which obviously warranted a trip home) so the plan for the summer involved a whole lot of reading, pool time, and obsessive-compulsive cleaning (because that's who I AM, people).  The plan was a LOW KEY SUMMER. Trips to the beach.  Dinners on the deck.  Drinks by the pool.  A whole lot of nothing.

THEN, my dog died.  Then my Grandmother died.  Then I went to Tennessee.  Then most of my friends moved out of state and/or out of the country (stupid Navy doctors, pilots, and Army men).  Then my little cousin was told by her (fucking idiot) doctor that she might be diabetic (we're still waiting on the results, but my long-diabetic self is pretty sure her sweet little 3-year-old, non symptomatic self is fine).  Then my baby cousin (her little sister) was diagnosed with a tumor on her eyelid and told she needed surgery.  Then, during a well-child check, Sutt's vision was found to be 20/50 in his right eye, thus sending me on a wild goose chase with an optometrist who wants to date me (despite my insistence, and my records showing that, I'm married, happily, to the guarantor of the insurance policy). Holy fucking hell.  What a summer.

At this point, I can't help but think that it's very possible that we are all chess pieces on a big, giant cosmic board and that somebody is having a super fun time with us.  So to cheer myself (and Ro) up, I'm going to make a list.

A LIST OF AWESOME THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED THIS SUMMER THAT MIGHT CANCEL OUT THE REALLY AWFUL, BAD SHIT IF THAT WAS ACTUALLY POSSIBLE BUT SINCE IT ISN'T I'M JUST GOING TO PULL A "SPECIAL K" AND PRETEND THAT EVERYTHING IS SUPER WONDERFUL BECAUSE SHIT ALWAYS SEEMS TO WORK OUT FOR HER AND I THINK IT MIGHT BE DUE TO HER (ANNOYINGLY) POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND SEE IF LISTING THE GOOD SHIT MAKES THE BAD SHIT SEEM LESS BAD

1.  After much mourning and crying and keening for my sweet, lost Maddie May, we adopted DOG NUMBER TWO.  Dog Number Two is a rescue dog, and I SWEAR TO MY SWEET JESUS, OUR LORD, that Maddie lead me to her.  I woke up one morning in July (Maddie died June 7) after dreaming about Maddie being all happy and whatnot in Heaven with my Dad, turned on my phone, and the first thing that popped up was a photo on my Facebook feed of this dog that I KNEW BELONGED TO US.  It was a puppy.  It was scruffy.  It looked like somebody had taken about seven dogs, chopped them into pieces, then glued some of the parts all together to make a complete dog.  Her front half was white and sleek, her back half was apricot and frizzy, her ears were enormous, and her underbite was so noticeable that you really didn't see anything else. It was a female, at the Cleveland, TN, ARK and I KNEW WE WERE MEANT TO LOVE HER AND MAKE HER A MCPHAIL.  Sadly, she was 700 miles away, which was kind of an issue, albeit a small one as far as I was concerned because I WAS GETTING CELESTIAL GUIDANCE Y'ALL.  THIS DAMN DOG WAS MEANT TO BE MINE.  So I called my Mom on her lunchbreak and said, "Hey, Mom, wanna go check out a dog in Cleveland for me?"  Mom, being the awesome, spontaneous being that she is, said, "Sure," loaded up the Jeep and drove to Cleveland from Chattanooga to scope out this dog.  My requirements were steep-- she had to be friendly, she had to be absurdly spastic, and she had to be one of those dogs who (like some babies) was so ugly she was cute.  And that's how we got Lola, a ginormous adoption fee worth of DAMN CRAZY MUTT.  I love her.  She's fabulous.  Our beloved Maddie is gone, but she approves and is proud.  I can feel it.

2.  We're taking strides towards the future.  Blaker found a job in Berlin.  We decided we didn't want that one.  But that doesn't mean that we aren't still headed overseas.  The search, slowly but surely, is on.

3.  When things got bad, I packed up our stuff and the kids and we went to Chapel Hill to see Ray.  It had been FOREVER since I had seen her, which sucks, but we both have families and jobs and stupid adult responsibilities now that frequently seem to waltz into the way of our time together.  It was great.  I learned about a new show comparable to SWAMP PEOPLE called AX MEN.  We drank lots of wine.  I met a fabulous new friend named Betsy, who allowed her leg to be a stripper pole so that Ray could perform her new moves for me.  I learned about gluten.  I ate eggplant.  All in all, it was a successful trip.  I miss my Ray.

Okay, so I'm running out of really awesome stuff to list, because, honestly, this summer has fucking sucked.  Other than rediscovering my love for a super dirty vodka martini and learning exactly what a Black Widow Spider looks like, nothing much positive has happened.  It rained a lot and our roof leaked.  Lola ate one of my favorite shoes.  Bellamy talks nonstop about ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY nothing.

But you know what?  Things will get better.  I honestly think that.  And so, I'm waiting.  Waiting for Fall and waiting for Better.  They're coming.  I'm sure of it.



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