Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I'm Bringing Awesome Back

Tonight I was sitting in bed sorting through some books when I realized that I needed some sugar because my blood sugar was getting low. I had had a salad and a couple of glasses of wine with dinner, and did not really feel like eating anything. On top of not being hungry but needing sugar, I was already feeling grumpy because it was JUST ONE OF THOSE FUCKING DAYS. You know-- the ones where you feel all itchy and uncomfortable in your skin for no damn reason at all. (Yeah, even in my extreme awesomeness, I still have those days too. Makes you feel better about yourself, doesn't it?) SO, I said to B, "Hey, B. I need some sugar and I'm not hungry. Got any ideas?" His response? "You need a cocktail."

And that is why I am still married after all these years.

But that is not the point of this blog.

What IS the point, you ask?

Well, for starters. after several months of mulling things over, I have decided to reestablish the blog. Although it technically never went anywhere, I stopped writing because I had no intention of picking it up again. It was not a break-- I fucking retired. But, as often happens, I have come out of retirement and for the first time in my life, actually have time to write something.

Hooray for you. Now you have something to read.

Secondly, last weekend I reached a monumental milestone in my life: I met an Asian girl that I actually liked. Yes, you heard me. Take a moment to consider that and its impact, then recover. BAM. No, there is not more to this story (except that I was also watching SESAME STREET-- alone, mind you--and watched an Asian girl hip hop dancing to a rap song by Elmo and Oscar and realized that Asians are stereotyped as scientists and computer nerds for a reason, because they sure as hell can't fucking hip hop dance....but, whatever). It's just that everyone knows I have an extreme distaste for Asians, and now I met one I like. Her name is Natsuko, just in case you don't believe me, and she's quite lovely.

Lastly, I've decided to run for office. (Um, no, I'm kidding. I think politicians are idiots, I can't stand big election years, and everyone knows that I would be assassinated within about five minutes of being elected to anything from the HOA Board to Comptroller. Seriously, would you want me running ANY of your shit? No, I didn't think so.

There is no lastly. I just wanted to have a lastly.

I will leave you now, as I am exhausted and have a LOOOONG day ahead of me tomorrow (aka: Mom arrives in Virginia). But fear not, I shall return, promptly....bitches.

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