Friday, October 1, 2010

Mommy Needs A Cocktail

School was canceled in Suffolk today because it rained.

Yeah, it rained a lot, but SWEET JESUS, IT'S ONLY RAIN. I don't care if it was a torrential downpour for three days, or that water was standing several feet deep in some areas. I don't care if a dam broke on Holland Road and the flooding made it impossible for buses to get through. I don't care that it took me half an hour to get Bellamy less than one mile to school yesterday after a ridiculously stupid two-hour delay (like the flooding will magically disappear after two hours), or that half the roads in the city have washed away. I DO NOT CARE.

You want to know what I care about?

What I care about is the fact that I nearly had a nervous breakdown today, trapped with two kids who are going stir crazy because they haven't been able to go outside in three days and whom I had to take to the mall because it was the only indoor place I could think of to go. I care that I became that psycho Mom who, in the middle of the greeting card aisle at Target, had to threaten to beat her child if he didn't SHUT THE HELL UP from his incessant screaming for a C3-P0 stress ball from the dollar bin (sure, it's $1, but it's about the principle, not the cost) while his sister whined that she REALLY NEEDED MORE DAMN SILLY BANDS (no, she didn't say "damn," I added that myself) and I mentally kicked myself for not carrying airplane bottles of vodka in my handbag like all smart women should do. I care that I may well lose my mind if my children do now grow up very, very quickly. MOMMY DOESN'T CARE IF SHE GOES TO JAIL FOR SPANKING HER KIDS OR PUBLIC DRUNKENNESS, FOLKS. Jail might be a sweet little vacation, with three meals a day and downtime. Hell, if I'm naughty enough, I might even get solitary confinement, which actually sounds like my idea of heaven at this moment. Throw in a couple of bottles of wine and a stack of paperbacks and I'm set.

Seriously.