Friday, May 21, 2010

The Reality Of It All

Geminis are known for their split personalities. Being a Gemini, I am no exception (much to the chagrin of my husband and a few of my friends). I am very much "what you see is what you get," unfortunately, you just never know what you're going to see or get. I use this in the broadest sense of the definition.

In my last blog, I mentioned how Michael, The Workout God, voiced his concern regarding my gym vs. drinking habits. I've been thinking about this a lot the past couple of days. Michael is one of my oldest and closest friends, he knows me better than nearly everyone else on the planet. Yet this is an excellent example of the confusion of the Gemini personality--Michael has seen me have a glass of wine exactly twice in the eighteen years that I have known him. Once when having dinner at his house, once when he was up visiting me in Richmond. Michael knows that I am somewhat obsessed with being healthy--working out, eating well, managing my diabetes, caring for my body. He knows that I am frequently essentially a single parent because B is always working or at school, and that I am responsible and dependable to a fault. But all the joking and FB statuses and references to happy hour led him to confuse the two of me. How can this be? Am I THAT good at portraying myself as someone else? Does anybody really know ME?

Most people I know cannot tell when I'm being serious and when I am not. They do not know when I am lying and when I am not. They do not know when I am happy or sad or angry. I like it this way. It has been said that being like this makes your life less full, and perhaps this is true, but if it is, it's a fullness I have little interest in obtaining. I enjoy being a force of one. But I can't help but wonder--those few whom I have chosen to enter the circle, do they have a decent grasp of who I am? And why does it sting a little to think they may not?

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