Friday, March 5, 2010

Marching On

It never ceases to amaze me how, despite what may happen in the world, life goes on.

I don't remember the first time I actually considered this, but I know I was young. Likely, it was elementary school, when my fourth grade teacher sent me home for being a smartass (imagine that) and my parents grounded me for the first time ever. I can't really remember. But I know I've thought this through break-ups, divorce, births, deaths--I specifically remember thinking it after September 11th and the Tsunami in Thailand. It doesn't matter how bad things get for me or for someone else, life pauses for no one.

I still haven't made up my mind as to whether I think life is long or short. People say it passes in the blink of an eye. Other people say it is endless. I think it is what it is, filled with moments you want to hold onto forever that pass in the blink of an eye, and moments you think you'll never survive that linger on for what feels like forever. It's the way of the world, the nature of life. I look at my children and think of how I long for the days when they can give themselves baths without my assistance, then I think of how I love how Sutt still looks like a baby when he sleeps, on his stomach with his bottom pushed up into the air. I yearn for freedom, but once it arrives, will I actually lap it up? Or will it turn out to be not nearly as sweet as I remember? I won't know until then, and by then it will be too late to change anything.

This life is hard. It's survival and it's lessons and it's full of mistakes. But I'm trying to learn to embrace it. To own it. To just accept it for what it is, and make the most of it. To just be. And that, THAT, would make all the difference.

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