Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Irksome Is A Nice Word

I'm feeling kind of itchy in my own skin tonight, so I have decided to compile a little list of things that frequently make me feel this way (aka: uncomfortable and out of sorts).

A LIST OF THINGS THAT, WHEN CONSIDERED EVEN BRIEFLY, MAKE MY SCALP AND UPPER ARMS ITCHY AND COULD POTENTIALLY CAUSE ME TO BREAK OUT IN HIVES IF I DID NOT USUALLY CHOOSE TO DISTRACT MYSELF PROMPTLY, THUS AVERTING DISASTER AND DELIVERING MY BODY TO SAFETY, FREQUENTLY IN THE FORM OF DRUNKENNESS

1. All things viewed beneath a microscope~ Cells are gross. Microbes, amoebas, and all things scientific and otherwise are gross when viewed at ten million times their normal size. I do not want to see what my bodily fluids look like up close and personal, thank you very much, which is why I have a B.A. instead of a B.S. So keep your creepy little magnified amoebas to yourself.

2. Jealousy~ I am not a jealous girl. I do not care if strange women rub up on my husband, or if he spends time with his exes. It does not bother me, because my awesomeness is clearly unsurpassed. That said, there are some situations that can, if handled properly, instill jealousy within me, and I cannot think of anything I hate more. Jealousy is weakness, and I am not weak.

3. Stickers~ We have covered this. I hate stickers. They creep me out. I have the literally fight the urge to vomit when removing them from produce, children, bathroom floors, etc. There does not seem to be a good reason, nor any rational explanation. I just hate stickers.

4. High blood sugar~ This is one that I get, but many of you won't (except Angela). Here lately my blood sugar has been a total freaking nightmare, and I honestly don't know why (although, for the record, I DID just eat a tiny slice of chocolate-peanut butter pie, but that's beside the point). When my blood sugar is high, not only am I irritable and bitchy, but I just feel horrible, like my insides don't fit right into my body. It's not a fun gig, this whole diabetes thing. Frankly, I'm kind of over it.

5. Weird kid crud~ Kids tend to get random nastiness upon them pretty much every single day. Rashes, snot, feces, etc....the list is endless and each item is more disgusting than the last. Normally, I can handle everything pretty well, but you give me a glimpse of a creepy kid rash and I'm a goner. I absolutely have no tolerance for anything that might even potentially be ringworm or anything fungal. I'm itching just thinking about it. There's nothing worse than some scaly kid rash.

6. Jon Gosselin~ Okay, so he doesn't really fit in with the rest of the list, but he does, indeed, make me feel terribly unpleasant. I would just like to say to the world at large: I do not care who Jon Gosselin dates. I do not care what he wears, what party he hosts, how much he paid for his penthouse, or what he had for breakfast. He is a chubby fame-whore who has yet to say one semi-intelligent word to the press. Plus, he's Asian, and as many of you know, I am not a fan of the Asian people in general. Suck it, Jon Gosselin.

7. Uncontrollable situations~ I am learning as time passes that sometimes things happen that I have absolutely no control over whatsoever. I can't stop them, I can't fix them, I can't change them. Hell, sometimes they don't even have anything to do with me, but somehow my emotions get tangled up in them anyway. Those are the worse, because you aren't even validated to feel as awful as you do. You can't talk to anyone about it, because then they will think you are nuts for being emotionally invested in something that doesn't even concern you (for the record, B is totally used to this happening with me, which is, to some degree, a relief). Bottom line, sometimes it's easy to take something personal that isn't intended for you at all.

My irksomeness and I have decided to retire for the evening, to try to reconcile with one another, and hope for the best. Wish me luck in shaking this cloak of weirdness.

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