Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Blunt Force

Yesterday, I met a lovely South American woman named Viviana. She dresses in bold colors, lots of jewelry, and has a heavy accent. Viviana is a mother, a grandmother, a doctor of medicine, and a kindred spirit. She is also perhaps one of the happiest, most easily excitable people I have ever met--the kind of person who bounces in her seat and talks animatedly with her hands when something pleases her, which seems to happen often. Normally, I would find this vastly annoying, at which point I would tell her that she was getting on my nerves and I would immediately proceed to the nearest exit from wherever Viviana happened to be.

Not this time. Viviana is lovely and charming. I adore her. Within about three minutes of meeting her I broke 3 rules: 1) I let her hug me; 2) I gave her personal information; and 3) I let her tell me straight up and in no uncertain terms that I am ridiculously stupid (yes, stupid, not awesome). That's right--Viviana said, near verbatim, "You are a stupid woman, to be so bright and educated. You need to find someone to care for your children and go out to work in the world." Viviana has a damn fine point. I am a stupid woman to be so bright and educated, I need to find someone to care for my children, and I need to be out changing the world. This girl has an awful lot of awesome in her to spend it doing laundry all day.

At this point, you may well be wondering if I have lost my mind. I would say that the chances of this are likely about fifty/fifty at this point, leaning towards the "lost" side, rather than the "nope, she's still sane and intact" side. I've known for years that I wasn't cut out for this stay-at-home Mommy nonsense, but that didn't stop me from landing waist-deep in offspring and going nowhere fast. The guilt, the responsibility, the circumstances--there are many reasons why I am as I am. But now begs the question, what on earth am I to do about it? Who shall I be? What shall I do?

Two roads diverged, yo. It's time to make a choice.

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