Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Delivery Triangle of Love

Some of you are familiar with my penchant for having wild sex with the delivery people. UPS, FedEx, DHL, doesn't matter, really, there's just something about those polyester uniforms and those knee socks that's got it going on. If he comes to my door with a clipboard, I'm as good as naked. (Which might explain all of the things delivered to my house that I don't actually order, now that I think of it. Hmmm.)

This morning, I awoke to an interesting sight (see photo). After careful consideration, I have constructed my own theory regarding how this happened. The UPS lady is jealous. Yes, readers, I now have a UPS lady. She's a bit on the (how should I say this?) rugged side, a redhead, and can lift the equivalent of a compact car over her head with one hand while the other hand carries the electronic signature pad. She likes me. I fear her. Regardless, I am an equal opportunity housewhore, I see no reason to exclude her based on her gender or the fact that she could kick my ass (and make me her bitch at any point she decided to do so, so why fight the inevitable?). However, as of late I've been receiving things from the USPS on a much more regular basis than from UPS, and I fear this may have displeased my Lady in Brown.

Perhaps this is a warning to me. Perhaps this is a warning to my mail carrier. Regardless, I choose to take it as a compliment, that someone is willing to damage personal property in order to remind me of their lust and devotion.

Time to visit and nip this problem in the bud.

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