Thursday, October 8, 2009

Shards of Infinity

Throughout my life, I've been a girl who hasn't sought out a lot of friends. I have always had tons of acquaintances, but have neither the need or the desire to have many actual friends. I do not like to share my thoughts with people. I do not want to cuddle up with a girlfriend and paint each others' nails and talk about boys (figuratively speaking, of course). Never have. That freaks me out. However, that said, every now and then I stumble across people who I DO want close to me, people that I recognize (though I still do not want to snuggle with them). This has happened all my life.

I like to think of it as soul recognition. (Do not scoff at my theories, because I know what the hell I'm talking about--as I always do.)

It is my belief that there are a handful of people walking this earth for each of us, who are intrinsically important and necessary to us, not only in this lifetime, but in many others. We may not see them every single life we live, but during many of them, they are there. The roles of these people change from life to life--one lifespan they may be a spouse, in another a best friend, or a parent or a child or a neighbor. Regardless, if we are intuitive enough, when we meet (or sometimes even see) them for the first time, we just feel like we know them already. And that's because we do. It doesn't matter how hard you try, you can't untangle yourself from these souls. You're destined to always have them intertwined with you somehow.

I do not believe that everyone close to us in each life is one of our special "people." You do not always marry one of your recognizable souls, and you certainly can love many unrecognizable ones in each life. But our "special" people always have a bit of an edge. You will always have them lurking somewhere in your psyche, in your heart, in your gut. Just as you will be in theirs, whether they realize it or not. And sometimes, they will not. Just as sometimes, you won't either.

In my life thus far, I have found five souls I've known before. I don't know who they were in past lives, or how we were connected, but I do know that I've known them many times over, and I've known them well. I find this comforting and it brings me joy. I look forward to seeing them again someday, wondering how I will find them when I am someone new.

Someday, I think I will die and I will go to my own version of heaven, as will we all. But until I complete the cycle of lives I am to live on this earth, I take heart in knowing that I am not alone, because even if I haven't found them yet, there are always people who already love me.

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