You know something that drives me totally freakin' insane? Inspirational things. Like those friendship forwards and Jesus emails. Magnets and bookmarks with sunsets and Bible verses on them. Little wall plaques that say cute things about families. They make me want to slit my own throat, while standing at the precipice of a very tall building, so that just in case I don't bleed out quickly enough, the fall will surely kill me. (If now is the time you plan to point out that I'm going to hell, suck it.)
Why is it so hard to find a coffee mug that says, "Fuck off, I hate you," or a sympathy card that says, "It's a shame he/she died instead of you"? I would totally buy both of those things. (Then I would send the card to my uncle, but that's a different story.) Unlike Oprah and Deepak Chopra, I think the people of the world spend way too MUCH time being nice to each other. What happened to honesty? Wouldn't we all feel better if we just let those feelings OUT? I think so (as does my psychologist). I just don't see any point in pretending all the time, especially where other people are concerned.
That is why I am taking it upon myself to start a new movement across America, promoting individual emotional honesty. I want to stamp out Maya Angelou quotes and eliminate all items of clothing with kitten appliques on them. Nobody really likes those things, so quit pretending like you do.
You know who you are.