This week I've run into a little thing in my life I'd like to refer to as A BRICK FUCKING WALL. Can't go under it. Can't go around it. Can't go over it (no footholds). Gotta go through it. What does this mean, my fine friends? Well, it means a few different things. For starters, my kids are driving me absolutely, irreversibly insane. School is out for the summer, and there are arguments abound. I've taken lately to encouraging them to throw down with one another. I figure either they will hurt each other badly enough that they learn to quit fighting, or survival of the fittest will ensue and Mommy will only have one child with whom to contend. Either way, it's a win. To further complicate matters, B had an HOA meeting Wednesday night, went out drinking with friends Thursday (which means both nights were all me), and has a fun-filled weekend planned that includes no less than a barbecue with a bunch of engineers in one-hundred degree temperatures followed by a Father's Day with my FIL. Now, I love my FIL (whose name, ironically, is Phil) but I don't want to think about it being Father's Day. I don't want to celebrate fathers, period, when I know that every day I'm a step closer to July 6, which will mark six months since Daddy died. Selfish? Yes. Childish? Yes. Do I really care? Nope.
That's something else that is irritating me. I spend every single second of my life taking care of the needs and wants of other people. Not that B doesn't appreciate me, because he usually does. But everything I do is centered around my husband, children, Mom, dogs, whatever. For the most part, I don't mind. It's my job. However, just ONCE I would like to have something of my own, of my own choice. Things are looking highly unlikely on that front. Currently, I have an apple juice stain on my shirt, a Barbie who needs her hair fixed in my lap, and carpet burn on my back, all courtesy of the desires of others (yeah, TMI, but it's true).
So how does one get past this stuckedness? (Yes, I know "stuckedness" isn't a word, but I think I really like it.) I. Don't. Know.