I am repeatedly getting tagged on Facebook for "25 Things," which, if anybody who tagged me actually cared enough to see, I filled out long ago. However, as a concession to those tag-a-holics who just won't give up, here is the Starr Trippin' version of:
25 Things You Don't Know About Me (although there is no way in hell that I am putting 25 things up here that NOBODY knows about me, because then I would probably end up either in jail or locked in the loony bin, so this is the condensed version which should still suffice for pretty much everyone except Blaker, Ray, and potentially, Jenn):
1. I hate squirrels. Hate them. They are creepy and they carry diseases. Give me a chipmunk and I will cuddle the hell out of the little sucker. But squirrels? Oh, hell no.
2. My best guy friend has tried to drown me on more than one occasion. Actually, twice that I can remember. He says it was an accident both times, but do you REALLY almost kill somebody twice and still have the privilege of calling it an accident? I think not.
3. I have a lingerie collection that would rival that of a porn star. Yes, I do. Ray can vouch for that, because she has seen a small portion of it, and was overwhelmed just by that one suitcase full, and it wasn't even a fraction of the whole thing. It comes with the territory of being a girlie-girl.
4. I once got out of a speeding ticket by showing a state trooper my tattoo on I-40. I was twenty years old and very adverse to getting the ticket, so I distracted the officer with my new tattoo. I left ticketless and with his card.
5. I refuse to do anything without my toenails painted. I don't think anybody but me has ever seen them unpainted. However, I prefer my fingernails to be unpainted.
6. I love, love, love asparagus.
7. The Kindle (you know, the little machines that you download books onto and then read from) send me into a blind rage. My Mom has one, and goads me with it because she knows how much I hate them. I love books--the feel, the smell. I don't want to fucking DOWNLOAD my books, I want to stumble upon them in a nice bookstore while sipping coffee. Damn you, Kindle!
8. I own both an Edgar Allen Poe bobble head and an Edgar Allen Poe action figure. Nobody but me is allowed to touch them. They are sacred.
9. I can recite a large number of Lewis Carroll poems, and tend to do so for no reason whatsoever at random times.
10. I absolutely, positively refuse to sing in church. I can't sing worth a damn, and I don't want to ruin my (or anyone else's) religious experience during hymn time because I'm so off key. I will, however, occasionally burst into song (loudly) in other public places, much to my husband's dismay.
11. I sleepwalk. Not all the time, but every now and then. One day, I'm probably going to sleepwalk myself right to the airport and fly to Mexico (at least, that's going to be what I tell Blaker when I call him from the beach in Cancun where I'm camped out with a margarita).
12. Since drowning is a mini-theme here (see #2), I should add that I nearly drowned in my Grandmother's indoor pool when I was four. We were at a family reunion and I was sitting on the side of the pool watching some of my relatives swim. I accidentally fell in and was fished out by a random cousin who happened to see me fall. After that, my parents put me in swim lessons.
13. I nearly died again when I was four because I choked on a yellow Lifesaver at my other Grandmother's house. My Dad saw me turning blue, yanked me up by my feet, and whacked me on the back hard enough to knock the candy out of me. I cried for hours afterward because I couldn't understand why Daddy hit me. (Yes, I remember all of this.)
14. I can peel a banana with my toes.
15. I have been engaged to be married 3 times.
16. Once when I was a kid, I climbed a tree and got stuck in it. I was there for hours until my aunt found me. When she found me, she convinced me to jump out of the tree and into the creek beneath, at which point I got stuck in the mud up to my knees and couldn't get out. (Ironically enough, the EXACT SAME THING happened to my dog, Gus, many years later. Weird, huh?)
17. I was supposed to skip the sixth grade but my parents decided at the last minute not to let me because I was very small and they worried that I would get picked on. I was FURIOUS when they told me they had changed their minds.
18. I've flown a lot, and most of it has been in small planes because my Dad and my Grandpa both had their private pilot's licenses. Blaker also has his pilot's license and I've been flying with him as well. I have NO FEAR whatsoever of flying, but I get very nervous riding in cars.
19. I once sat next to a priest on a flight from New York to Rome, Italy. He spent the whole 8+ hours telling me stories, praying with me, and blessing pretty much everything I had with me.
20. I have a freckle on the palm of my hand. My dermatologist says that said freckle is perfectly healthy, but that it's unusual to have a freckle on your palm.
21. I have never expected that I will live long enough to be old. I think I will probably never make it out of my thirties (although I hope that I do).
22. I can't ride a bicycle to save my life. Me+bicycle=ER visit
23. Ponchos (and the people who wear them) make me nervous.
24. Once in Old English class, my best friend, Ray, and I learned about a medieval tradition called a "Mancutte" --keep in mind that that isn't exactly how it's spelled, but I had to substitute t's for thorns, which are no longer letters in our language--where warriors would trek across the land picking up chicks. We thought it was a cool idea and that we would take our own version of it, so we did. The end result is something I will someday write a book about, at which point people will read it and never believe it actually happened although it will totally be true.
25. I am a closet pyromaniac. I love setting things on fire, particularly when I'm angry.