A DAZZLING ASSORTMENT OF THINGS I DON'T, AND WILL NEVER, UNDERSTAND DESPITE A MULTITUDE OF EXPLANATIONS FROM OTHERS (PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO EXPLAIN THEM YOURSELF, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET ANYWHERE WITH ME)
1. What, precisely, makes something Emo. I know that the Emo kids dress and look a bit like the Goth kids. They like to wear eyeliner and skinny jeans. It has something to do with being sensitive. Beyond that, I am moderately baffled. I'm sensitive. I like to wear black. I wear eyeliner as well. Am I Emo? I think not.
2. Why people sunbathe. Cancer. Sunburns. Hot. Boring. Too bright to read even with sunglasses. Enough said. It's much more fun to sit inside with the air-conditioning, sipping cocktails and reading a book. In bed. And Nicole Kidman's milky skin is highly preferable to that scary leathery look you see on the sun worshippers. Freaky.
3. How the heck the Internet works. I can use it. I enjoy it. I have no idea how all those computers can connect all across the world. It's mind-boggling. (And, potentially, magic.) Who would ever even think to invent such a thing? Amazing. I'm willing to bet that some super-tool of a guy did it just to impress a girl. And it probably didn't even work. I mean, it took me a lot of years to catch on to using the Internet, so Internet Inventor Dude's Sweet Lady probably couldn't even fathom what in the hell he was talking about when he told her about it. Just saying. If some guy came up to me and was like, "Hey, Sweet Lady. I invented the Internet. Just for you." And then proceeded to tell me all about it, I would Mace his ass. Yes, I would.
4. How did anybody figure out the Pythagorean Theorem? Or, more specifically, how did Pythagoras figure out the Pythagorean Theorem? How could ANYONE ever be bored enough to try to DO something like that? I mean, maybe Blaker, but REALLY is there ANYBODY else who would do that? (Wait, Jeneva--do you read my blog?)
5. Exactly how to perform that really loud, shrill whistle some people can do by sticking their fingers in their mouth and blowing. HOW DOES THIS WORK? I have tried for years, and I just can't pull it off. I'm sticking wrong or blowing wrong (ooh, this is sounding kind of dirty)--something. But I just can't do it. And I'm terribly jealous of those who can.
What a crazy world we live in.