Thursday, December 4, 2008

Motherfucking cancer

I've worked hard now for nearly six months to keep the cancer out of my blog. It's much more fun to write when you're writing about funny, silly things. Every now and then I wander a little too far over to the serious side, but for the most part, the stuff I write about is brain candy. Just for fun. But now I can't get away from the motherfucking cancer.

We've had cancer galore in the family. My Grandpa and Grandma, great aunts and uncles, then my Mom and sister-in-law. Some of them made it through, some of them didn't. Luckily, Mom and Shawna were two of the ones that are still with us. Now, it's Dad's turn.

My parents are young--they married young, at 19 and 17. They've been married for 35 years; Mom is 53, Dad is 55. Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at 47. Dad was diagnosed with head and neck cancer in June. We were told from the beginning with Mom that she probably wouldn't survive. She did. She's 5 years cancer free. We were told in the beginning that Dad's was beatable. (At least, this is the impression my parents were under. My information was all secondhand from them.) Two rounds of chemo and a long bout with radiation later, we find that apparently it's not. It's also not surgically treatable. There's not much else we can do.

I've gone through some pretty difficult things in my life. I've never felt anything like this. I hate to see suffering and pain in anyone, but it's particularly hard in someone that I love as much as I love my Dad. I'm so far away--602 miles, to be precise. I miss him so much already, just living 10 hours away. What will I do when not even 10 hours and 602 miles will get me to him when I need him?


vanilla said...

My heart, thoughts, and prayers go out to you. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug and have martinis with you.

Just know I'm thinking of you.

Rebecca said...

I love you!