Friday, September 19, 2008

Wanted: Purpose

For quite a while now, I've been floundering along, just sort of meandering through life. Things have changed--we left Richmond and moved to Suffolk, Bellamy started kindergarten, Dad was diagnosed with cancer, so on and so forth. Regardless, emotions may have shifted here and there, scenery may be different, but overall, I don't feel like life took any big turns. I wish it had. I get bored with my life.

My wonderful friend, Michael, told me recently that it does not matter what happens to you, it only matters how you react to it. Simple enough, but something I had never really considered. The way that I choose to think about that is not that I overreact to bad things, but that I under react to good things. There is so much good, so much to see and learn and do. So much that could make me happy if I could just stop and let it.

I think I've been lacking purpose.

I probably would have never figured that out on my own. It's not a complicated concept, just one that really does not cross my mind very often. I started thinking about it when I was reading THE ALCHEMIST. (On a side note, THE ALCHEMIST is a lovely, fascinating, amazing book. If you are reading this, Bill, I owe you for suggesting it to me. ) In THE ALCHEMIST, the prevalent idea is that God gives one omens to lead one on his or her Chosen Path. A shepherd boy, Santiago, follows these omens to find his Purpose. The universe will conspire to help him on his journey, if only he follows these omens and stays true to his Purpose.

I think THE ALCHEMIST may be an omen. I think the universe may be sending me a message that I need a Purpose. And you know what? It's right. I do. I've been wandering around with this half-empty soul for a while now, trying to figure out what was wrong. I have a great husband whom I adore, healthy kids, a blessed life--where is my ever-elusive happiness? I need my Purpose. I have no idea what it is and I don't know how to find it, but I need it.

While I'm on the topic of omens, I should probably mention that I just joined a Bible study group for women around my age with small children. I don't go to the church they all attend, and I did not know any of them beforehand. I am not a joiner or someone who attends group activities, but I decided I would give this a try. At the first meeting, I learned that we will not be studying the Bible. We'll be reading A PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE.

Dude. That is SO an omen.

1 comment:

vanilla said...

OMG I totally got A Purpose Driven Life for Christmas. I asked for it. I started reading it shortly after with Russ, but it was beyond Russ' understanding so we stopped reading it. I guess I'll have to pick it up on my own.

I'm not sure if this coincides with anything you wrote about, but it made me think that I have deja vu alot. It is uncanny how much I have it and how all the small minute details are the same when it happens. The last few times I've been able to notice it and slowly take in all the details that make it deja vu. Then it goes away as it always does. This deja vu stuff started for me back in college. It freaked me out then, but I got to a point of feeling in my soul that it was God's way of telling me that he knew I'd be where I was and that he wanted me to be there. So now I find comfort in my deja vu moments and thank God that I am where I need to be.